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I’ve never been over 180lbs before while not carrying a baby inside my belly…so to top the scale at this figure is kicking my butt and kick started me on yet another diet phase. As I type this I’m still wondering if I’m going to keep this title or just let y’all know what my top weight was after I lose a bunch of weight as it’s a scary number. But in the name of social media and transparency and motivation I am putting it all out there and even going as far as to create a whole new blog to try and change and commit to a new lifestyle. Lord help me so I don’t fall flat on my face and regret this decision!

So, my story. I grew up a skinny minny living with my mom in the ghetto. Not much fast food in that house, lots of things I didn’t eat. For some reason I decided that I didn’t eat most meats like beef, oxtail, turkey neck, chicken neck, foot, back etc etc. So when my mom cooked unless it was chicken I was eating rice and gravy a lot. Even the chicken leg that I got I threw under the table somehow hoping no one would notice because I decided I didn’t like it. To this day I only eat chicken breast. I’ll eat a wing if its fried crispy otherwise never mind. At 11 when I started high school my mom decided I was getting too grown to live in the ghetto and she didn’t want me to be influenced by my surroundings so she sent me to live with my dad who lived “uptown”. My dad didn’t cook much. He was a man living on his own, there was lots of fast food involved.

I remember going into my second year of high school to lots of “she put on nuff weight ee” “how you a get so fat.?” Above is what I looked like when I was in second form (grade 8 for the internationals) I only know because that calendar behind me says 1995 in another picture I have like this. So I’m assuming the calendar was a relevant one and not an old one that’s been hanging there forever. But I do look about 12 13 here anyway. So yeah, as I said I grew up real skinny, because this was me “getting fat” I know I was tucking it in there but yeah…wish I could go back to that fat right now! This is what I looked like as a 16 year old accepting Ashe Academy’s Best Actress Award:

Looking back at that picture makes me wish I knew then what I know now. I remember thinking to myself how fat I was and how awful I looked because I couldn’t wear the body hugging dresses that the dancers and other performers wore. I envied them everyday at rehearsals in their little tank tops and booty shorts but looking at this picture makes me want to slap myself upside my head. Its so funny how image and self-perception eats away at you.

This pic was in 2007. I use this pic because I was doing well here on my efforts to combat my weight. I was on what I dubbed the “Island Grill” diet, eating only their jerked chicken and soup daily.

My weight loss then started with emotional turmoil. When I’m sad or stressed I don’t eat. I made it to somewhere in the region of 150 something. Or maybe 160 something I don’t remember but I was feeling great. Then everything went right in my life again as you can see in the photo and I threw it all away. Sigh.
Alcohol is a crutch of mine too, is that how you use that phrase? Crutch of mine? Anyhoo I’m a party girl and I really can’t go out without having a few drinks. It gets the party started! And it doesn’t hurt the after party if you know what I mean and I party often. Plus there’s dinner and drinks and kalooki nights…it all piles on. And it did pile on. This is me today.

188lbs later. With drink in hand. Granted, having a baby has certainly helped to get me to where I am as even though I drink and eat what I want I always hovered around 170-175 and always went into gym mode whenever I noticed myself passing that. Apparently c-section people have to work extra hard to lose their tummy and I really didn’t do much. I went over 200lbs when I was pregnant and have now plateaued at my current weight. I still look at least 5 months pregnant today and really gotta watch the empire dresses and the likes or people will let me skip them in the bank line Its the reason I only have one pair of jeans right now as pants cut into my waist all uncomfortably and I just can’t bother to fight especially since I love me a cute dress.

I’ve been to the gym in the past and while I quite like it I’ve never stuck to it as it gets expensive. I’ve never been on any diet fad because I really don’t believe they work and I know the way to lose weight is through diet and exercise cause I’ve done it before. I have used weight loss pills to “kick start” my efforts and believe they’re useful for things like boosting energy levels when exercising and such. While I am using something to boost my efforts this time around again, I started this blog in an attempt to not crash and burn but to slowly change my lifestyle. I’m gonna use it as a food diary because all the experts say you’ll avoid eating “bad” things if you have to write it down and when you see what you eat over a period of time you can see where you need to make changes.

I’m trying to hold myself accountable too. Jamaicans tend to grow up loving lots of rice or “food” (ground provisions) accompanying their meat and I am just the same but I’ve found vegetables that I love and commit to switching it up. Portion control, more veggies, lots of fruit smoothies, incorporating exercise. The exercise part is gonna be hard cus…well….I hate exercising and I work from home in front of a computer 10-12 hours a day. But with your help I’ll get there! I hope. 🙂 My goal weight? Hmmm I dunno..lets just see how it goes. I really would love to be 130 but think thats kinda small, not trying to set myself up for failure so I just wanna be healthy, fit, and able to wear jeans without feeling like I’m cutting off my circulation after 2 hours. If I happen to be able to don a bikini well then!

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