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So there’s no furniture in my living room really…that’s munchkin’s space to roam. I put her toys down, block her in and sit back and watch the telly. But of course with kids, toys only hold their attention for 2.7 seconds and then they’re off to find adventure.

Such was the case just now when my little one crawled to the side of the telly. I didn’t see when she put something in her mouth, I just said her name telling her to come away from there. When she turned around I knew something was in her mouth and I actually feared it might be something live. I have been seeing an increase in worms and bugs around here. The floors were just cleaned too so there really weren’t much options. I grabbed her up and scooped my finger thru her mouth to fish out a worm wrapped around in a circle. I screamed with her in hand as I really didn’t know where it fell and I was thoroughly disgusted. I ran with her into the kitchen wanting to find something to wash her mouth with but remembered that bleach or disinfectant would probably do more harm than the worm.

I kid. I gave her some water and resisted from giving her DPH elixir just because. Every time I think about it I get chills all over again. How disgusting. Just yesterday I saw a kid run, trip and hit her head in PriceSmart and I thought to myself “I dunno if I’m really ready for all this drama.” Marley is sure to have a few falls of her own and I am just not strong enough to handle them! I want to put her in a bubble.

Speaking of falls. I keep meaning to blog about this but I haven’t crawled out of my hole yet. It has been my absolute worst mommy moment and every time I think about it I want to cry. Last month sometime, my munchkin fell off the bed while we were sleeping. When I woke to the sound of that thud and her screaming on the floor I grabbed her and hushed her and wanted badly to bawl my eyes out and go bury myself in a hole. In the .02 seconds that she was on the ground before I took her up so many things ran thru my mind, the top of them being OMG she broke her hand/foot/neck.

There is no lower moment. How low? I couldn’t fall back asleep that night. I kept tossing and turning. When I finally did, I dreamt I was in a courtyard waiting on my conviction. I was bound and there was a crowd waiting on my doom. There were the good and evil spirits there but the evil was very prevalent. It even had a face. It is scary to me that the person representing the evil spirit is someone from my office whom I have very little interaction with. Anyway. The nightmare was never finished so I dunno what my fate was. But in real life I felt horrible. I know the scare was exacerbated by the fact that her father told me sometime before of a guy he knew that died on some boat in his sleep. Fell off his cot and broke his neck. It has been my fear since.

I have rearranged my room now to ensure it can never happen again. Kind of unnecessary as I have also ensured that no matter how much I want to cuddle up with her to put her to sleep, she sleeps in her crib at all times. No exceptions. She’s gotten used to the crib now and doesn’t stir anymore when I put her in.

This mommy thing is a trip! But ten months in…I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

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